Alright, so I know I promised these post would be more interesting soon, so I've been trying not to post until I have something worth reading. Unfortunately, these last lingering days of summer will not be the stereotypical memory filled moments captured through the all too familiar pictures taken of goodbye bonfires or beach parties, filled with warm hugs and teary eyed smiles. I would be lying if I said I was going to miss this place or anything about it.Which leads to one of the biggest lessons I learned in college: life goes on.
As cliché as it sounds, it is one of the more truthful things I can tell you about your college experience. Going away to school at the end of summer last year, like everyone else I was excited for this new start. I left my small town home knowing that although I would miss my family and friends, there was plenty of opportunity to meet new friends (whom I would be sharing such an amazing, life changing experience with and hopefully I would come to find as a second family). I wasn't nervous at all, just ready to begin this new chapter in my life.
Or so I thought.
It only took me a few weeks to realize how much I missed my friends from home, and it only got worse. I didn't go out of my way to make friends because I saw no point, I had perfectly good friends at home. I began to spend my evenings constantly looking over my Facebook new feed to see what all of my friends from home were doing and what was going on in their lives now that I wasn't there to share all of the experiences I used to be able to. I was making my self miserable.
I went home for the weekend about a month after school started, and it was really nice to see everyone (none of my friends had gone away to school, they had all stayed home to go to community college). They were all excited to see me and hear how life away from small town living was. The visit was everything I expected it to be. Naturally I couldn't wait until Thanksgiving Break to be able to come home an see everyone again.
But that is when I realized things had changed. Coming home in November was completely different than it had been when I had made my first visit home. All of those friends I had so desperately clung to had made new friends at school, and I was no longer the "best friend who just happened to go to a different school", I was now "just a friend that moved away". Making time to visit me on my rare visits home became lower in their list of priorities because they now had a new circle of friends, a new best friend, new people to hang out with that "wouldn't interest me anyways". Of course I was angry that I had forfeited my opportunity to make new friends because I felt the only ones I needed were the ones I had had the longest, the ones that had always been there for me. But they were no longer there
It took me a while to realize that not only had my friends and I had drifted in how close we once were, but when faced with a new stage in life we chose different life paths as well. Where as they liked to spend every night out partying and drinking and hooking up with every possible cute guy they could (it is a small town after all, there isn't much else to do here), going away to school I didn't really have the same choice. Sure, there are a lot more parties at a major university, but because I was now living an hour and a half away from home, I was now completely responsible for myself. If I needed something taken care of, there was no walking downstairs to talk to mom and dad to ask them to do it for me. There was no one to gently wake me every morning to make sure I got to class on time, no one to make sure I was eating properly, and no ones to clean up after my mistakes. I was on my own, learning how to be the adult me so called "friends" still haven't quite gotten around to becoming.
Don't get me wrong, I still like to go out and have fun, and I do go to parties at school on occasion. The difference is partying is not my only definition of fun anymore. While my old friends prefer to go to different parties every night, I rather go out to eat with a small group of friends. My old friends thinking they have to drink to have fun, but I find movie nights to be more enjoyable. My old friends chose to hook up with any hot guy that tried, and I (much to their disapproval) have found one good guy that I love being with (and who I will also be spending our one year anniversary with in just two weeks). And even though I started off so unhappy at school without my "friends", in the end I feel campus is more of a home to me than the actual place I was born and raised. Even now, after being home for four months, I am closer with my friends I was with for eight months of school together than those I have known since the early days of middle or even elementary school.
I apologize for such a long post, when I started writing it I had no idea where I would end up or what I was even going to talk about. But in the end things worked out, just as they so often do. I hope that (for those of you who actually stuck around to read this ridiculously long story) you may be able to take something from it: while it is okay to stay close with those who are important to us, simply looking back on memories should never be a substitute for the making of new ones. Because after all, people change and life goes on.
love to all,
demariee
♥
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